Advice to Smokers

Once a Smoker was smoking at airport.........

A gentleman came & asked him. How much do you smoke a day?

Smoker : Why are you asking such question?

Gentleman replied : If you had collected that money instead of smoking,the
plane which is in front of you, would have been yours.

Smoker asked that gentleman : Do you smoke?

Gentleman:-No.

Smoker asked:-is that plane belongs to you?

Gentleman replied:- No.

Smoker:-Thanks for your kind advice,but that plane is mine

[Smoker's Name - Vijay Mallya]

Moral of the Story : Unnecessary advice is injurious to health

TATA Nano's Daughter or BAAP!!!!!!

Hi,

Are you waiting for Nano?

Just look at this car..Are it is NANO's Daughter or BAAP?

Electric Tango

The Best "Out of Office" E-mail Auto-Replies

The Best "Out of Office" E-mail Auto-Replies

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
11: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'...  

Healthy Message

Health - Very Very Important Tips 

Answer the phone by LEFT ear. 

Do not drink coffee TWICE a day. 

Do not take pills with COOL water. 

Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm. 

Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume. 

Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night.. 

Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS. 

Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time. 

Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning. 

Do not lie down immediately after taking MEDICINE before sleeping. 

When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 times. 

I am still in Love......

Sorry I'm Still in Love

I'm sorry that I'm writing you but I just can't forget.


All the memories of me with you,
Are running through my head
I'm sorry that I cried today
Though you didn't see my tears,
I just can't forget the fact
That today would be one year.

You said you didn't love me
But I know its not the truth
So here it is,
I'm saying it,
I still love you too.

I can hear it when you talk to me
When you say my name.
How the words almost slip out,
But you hold them back in shame

All day I've been thinking of you,
And what we could have been
Happily ever after,
Is what we both said.

I sit here,
And concentrate
On leaving you behind
But I know that no matter what happens
No words could make you mine

Dear Valentine,
I'm sorry that I told the truth,
Sorry you're the one,
Sorry that it hurts so much,
Sorry I'm still in love.

Who is best after all?

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, Pretty eyes, cute cheeks , sexy and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people says, "Oh My God."

Laughing Time

Ek Larki Ko Dekha To Aisa Laga

Doosri Larki Ko Dekha To Vaisa Laga
Jab Dono Ne Joote Maarey...To Ek Jaisa Laga!!!

********************

Zamane ke dar se
teri tasweer toilet mein chupa rakhi hai!
dedar ho tera bar bar
isliye julab ki goli kha rakhi hai

********************

Woh Larki Kitni Pyaari Thi,
Jis Ko Aankh Maari Thi
Woh Sendal Kitni Bhaari Thi,
Jo Us Ney Sar Per Maari Thi

********************

1 barsat ki raat
-ek bhigi ladki,
-bhiga badan,
-bhigi zulfe,
-bhige hoth,
-Hum dono ki nazare mili,
-use dekhke aisa laga ki
.
.
.
Kal use 100 % sardi hogi!

********************

Pyar karnevale
PARESAN ho jate he
Shadi karnevale
SHARABI ho jate he,
Divorce denevale
DEVDAS ho jate he,
Ham se Dosti karnevale
MSG SE MEHARBAN ho jate he

********************

Ek yug the jab log apne
ghar ke dwar par
likhte the "Atithi Devo Bhav".
Phir likhne lage "Shubh Labh"
Phir "U R WELCOME"
Aur ab likthe hain
"Kutton Se Saawdhaan"!

********************

Khat likh raha hoon khoon se,
syahi mat samajhna.
Khat likh raha hoon khoon se
syahi mat samajhna.
Kisi mariz ka sample liya tha,
mera mat samajhna.

********************

D 1 who smokes,get a smoky heart.
D 1 who drinks,get an alcoholic heart.
So dear u must stop eating sweets,
as u r already a sweet heart.

********************

wo shayad ab bhi hame chahte hain,
tabhi to hame dekhkar yun muskurate hain.
Ye to uske bacchhe hi kameene hain,
jo hame MAMA-MAMA bulate hain!

********************

Shehar ki gali
mein paan ki dukaan.
Devdas ne dekhi
paro ki muskaan.
Devdas ne khilaya
Paro ko paan.
Khake paan Paro boli
"Shukriya Bhai Jaan".

********************

I just met some1 in Cafe Coffee Day.
Real good looking,
dead smart,So delightful.
More like a celebrity.
As I walked nearer,
DAMN SAINT GOBAIN mirror.
It was me!!

********************

Maine tujhe dekha,
Dekhta raha,
Dekhta Raha
Dekhta hi gaya ,
Phir mujhe chashma lag gaya

********************

Q.Why doesnt a donkey eat grass??
?
?
?
?
?
?
?

?
?
?
?
?

?
?
?
?
?

?
?
?
?
?

?
?
?
?
?
?
A.Anyways...its ur personal matter
& I should not interfere in it.

********************

Friendship is like FEVICOL - toote nahin
Love is like cold drink -Ye Dil Maange More
Girlfriend is like detergent - Pehle istemal
karo phir vishwaas karo.

********************

D professor of a business school asks,
"What is d most important source of
finance for starting business?"
A student replies,"Father-in-law"

********************