"If you want to post your mail here then send me your mail at prashant144.rightmail@blogger.com" Please use English..

Monday, May 31, 2010

After coming back from US every indian do this..........huh

Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.
 
Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.
 
Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
 
Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
 
Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
 
Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".
 
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
 
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
 
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
 
Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway".
 
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".
 
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
 
Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
 
Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
 
Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
 
Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
 
When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)
 
Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
 
Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
 
Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
 
Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
 
Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
 
Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
 
Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".
 
Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
 
From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India , even after 4 months of arrival.
 
Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
 
Ultimate one : Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Love Letter Written In Java


To,
     
MY NEW SWEET INNER CLASS,

THE DAY WHEN MY EX- GIRLFREIND BECOMES
PUBLIC SHE LEFT ME, THE WHOLE

CLASSPATH IS DISTURBED AND MY HEART IS THROWING NULL POINTER

EXCEPTION, WHICH I CANT REMOVE .

THE DAY WHEN I SAW U IN
BIN MARKET, THE WHOLE ENVIRONMENT VARIABLE

CHANGE AND I FALL IN LOVE, IF U ACCEPT MY LOVE I KNOW MY HEART
THREAD

WILL EXECUTE NORMALLY .

THE DAY WHEN I MEET U MY HEART FEELS THAT………U AND ONLY U R THE ONE
TO WHOM I THINK IS
FINAL AND STATIC IN NATURE, U AND ONLY U CAN

OVERRIDE MY HEART,

I FEEL U R LIKE A
LANG PACKAGE TO MY HEART, WHICH IS AVAILABLE ALWAYS
TO ME. MY HEART NEEDS ONE CATCH BLOCK TO LIVE, IF U WANNA BECOME MY
GF THEN TELL ME SOME NECESSARY PACKAGE SO I IMPORT FOR U .

WAITING FOR UR COMPILATION
HOPE FOR NO
ERROR, WARNING AND EXCEPTION


YOUR ONLY LOVE
BASE CLASS

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Life after Unique Identity System-very funny

Nandan Nilekani can do it.....Fully integrated ID card system for Indian citizens  read till end 

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's he..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... You're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal Vayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your mobile is 09869798888. Today morning you landed in India at IG International Airport. Welcome back, Sir. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00"
Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..."
Customer: " What!"
Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107.."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: [Faints]

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Murphy's law on girls...

1. If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that

2. the nicer she is...the quicker u will be dumped!!!!!

3. The more the makeup, worse the looks...

4. "99% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 1% would
always be in your company."............ .....100% true

5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.

6. If by any chance the girl you like , likes you too, she will let
you know in about 10 years from now ,when you are committed..

7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.

8. Theory of relativity.. ....
The more u run towards a hot chick....the more she goes away from u...

9. Rule 1: Even if you got her out alone... just when you are about to
let her know about your feelings...she will spot a long lost friend( I
guess from Kumbh ka Mela)

Corollary (Rule 1): The more desperate you are to tell your feelings
to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend
she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1

Axiom 1: The more dedicated you are to the girl, the longer it takes
before things work out, but ultimately it will (somesmile for the
guys)

10. the day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be
the day when-

  •  You are dressed badly
  •  You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life
  •  Have a bad hair day

11. all the good girls are either nuns or married .the rest go around
with u and ruin ur money,health and leave u a total wreck.

12. the more seriously u like a girl...the more seriously her dad will hate u

13. the love you shower a girl with is directly proportional to the
number of bullets her dad will be showering at you .

Monday, May 17, 2010

Motivational quotes........

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.
Think about it.

3. Don't walk as if you rule the world,walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude! Keep on rocking!

4. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did
and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

5. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

6. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

7. So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,
jumping from a building, lying on train tracks,
but we chose Marriage, slow sure!

8. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

9. All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

10. Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi
Ab aap bataaye kiski sune bapu ki ya chacha ki???
(which one you choose?)

11. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that
90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking! so cheers..

A Wednesday quote (Rephrased for all software engineers)

 
The last one is ultimate J 
 
All of you who have seen the movie ‘Wednesday’... will love t
hese rephrased Naseerudin Shah Dialogue’s...


Project Manager Rathore 
: kaun ho tum..??? kya pehcan hai tumhari ?

Unkonwn Caller
 : Kaun hoon mein...mein vo hu jo aaj committment karne se darta hai, Mein vo hoon jo aaj ghar jaane se darta ha, ye soch ke kahin ghar wale pehchanne se inkar na kar de...

mein vo hoon jo, aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se na nikal de..

mein vo hoon jiski biwi usse friday ko dus bar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho..?? "
mera haal poochne ke liye ya kaam poochne ke liye nahi,    rathore saab... balki vo ye jaanaa chahti hai ki... kahin hamesha ki tarah end moment pe
boss ke bulane pe mein saturdary ko bhi office to nahi ja raha...

mein vo hoon jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. vo bhi time mil jae to...

mein vo hoon jo aksar phasta hain
kabhi Interviews ke sawaal mey phasta hai , kabhi Badi companiyon ke jaal mey phasta hai, kabhi boss aur client ke bawaal mey fasta hai.


Walk-In ki bheed to dekhi hogi aapne rathore saab... us bheed mein se koi bhi chehra chun lijie.. mein vo hoon..


I'm the…..STUPID SOFTWARE ENGINEER....
 

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Pappu ki kavita........

Pareshaan thi Pappu ki wife
Non-happening thi jo uski life
Pappu ko na milta tha aaram
Office main karta kaam hi kaam

Pappu ke boss bhi the bade cool
Promotion ko har baar jate the bhul
Par bhulte nahi the wo deadline
Kaam to karwate the roz till nine

Pappu bhi banna chata tha best
Isliye to wo nahi karta tha rest
Din raat karta wo boss ki gulami
Appraisal ke ummid main deta salami

Din guzre aur guzre fir saal
Bura hota gaya Pappu ka haal
Pappu ko ab kuch yaad na rehta tha
Galti se Biwi ko Behenji kehta tha

Aakhir ek din Pappu ko samjh aaya
Aur chod di usne Appraisal ki moh maya
Boss se bola, "Tum kyon satate ho ?"
"Appraisal ke laddu se buddu banate ho"

"Promotion do warna chala jaunga"
"Appraisal dene par bhi wapis na aunga"
Boss haans ke bola "Nahi koi baat"
"Abhi aur bhi Pappus hai mere paas "

"Yeh duniya Pappuon se bhari hai"
"Sabko bas aage badhne ki padi hai"
"Tum na karoge to kisi aur se karaunga"
"Tumhari tarah Ek aur Pappu banaunga"

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Hilarious......


Examiner:y r u under tension? Did u forget hall ticket,ID,or calculator? stdnt-No Sir! By mistake i brought tomorrow exam`s Chit today:-)
 
//-------------------------------------------------

Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college.You know why?Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking

//-------------------------------------------------
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!
//-------------------------------------------------

Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!

//-------------------------------------------------

Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

//-------------------------------------------------

Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!

//-------------------------------------------------

Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.

//-------------------------------------------------

Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'

//-------------------------------------------------

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.

//-------------------------------------------------

Santa giving exam while standing at the door.
A man asked ?Why are you standing at the door?"
Santa: "Idiot, I am giving entrance test."

//-------------------------------------------------

History teacher asked Santa: Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.
Santa: Adidas

//-------------------------------------------------

Why did santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
//-------------------------------------------------
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?

//-------------------------------------------------

Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long...!

//-------------------------------------------------

The Law says
 
"if u can't convince them
then at least confuse them"
Do you knw which law it is?

//-------------------------------------------------

2 times on lips,
2 times on cheeks,
1 time on forehead,
2 times on eyes,
must use cold cream,
HAPPY WINTER SEASON

-----------------------------------------