Hilarious......

Examiner:y r u under tension? Did u forget hall ticket,ID,or calculator? stdnt-No Sir! By mistake i brought tomorrow exam`s Chit today:-)

 

//-------------------------------------------------

Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college.You know why?Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking

//-------------------------------------------------

Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!

//-------------------------------------------------

Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!

//-------------------------------------------------

Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

//-------------------------------------------------

Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!

//-------------------------------------------------

Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.

//-------------------------------------------------

Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'

//-------------------------------------------------

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.

//-------------------------------------------------

Santa giving exam while standing at the door.
A man asked ?Why are you standing at the door?"
Santa: "Idiot, I am giving entrance test."

//-------------------------------------------------

History teacher asked Santa: Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.
Santa: Adidas

//-------------------------------------------------

Why did santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.

//-------------------------------------------------

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?

//-------------------------------------------------

Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?

Santa: Very long...!

//-------------------------------------------------

The Law says

 

"if u can't convince them
then at least confuse them"
Do you knw which law it is?

//-------------------------------------------------

2 times on lips,

2 times on cheeks,

1 time on forehead,

2 times on eyes,

must use cold cream,

HAPPY WINTER SEASON

-----------------------------------------

Missinnnnnnnnnnnng college days

Mil ke karte they jo masti,

un dosto se milne ko dil tarasata hai.

Har pal muskurata tha jo chehra,

usse dekhne ko dil tarasata hai,

nafrat thi jis classrooms se,

vahan se gujarane ko dil tadapta hai.

zindagi ka sabse haseen pal,

wo school life fir se jeene ko dil tarasta hai.........

Back on college Days

Na back ki parwah, Na subject koi clear hai

 

Na job ki tension na future ka fear hai,

 

Table par kitab k jagah kingfisher ki beer hai,

c++ ya java nahi, chatting apna career hai.

yaha Einstine koi nahi, yaha to sab shakspeare hai,

late night studies ki jagah filmo ka premier hai

isliye to hum engineer hai..............

 

Cheerssss....

Its Programming world..........

A non-programmer thinks there are 1000 bytes in a kilobyte.

 

A programmer is convinced that there are 1024 meters in a kilometer.

 

/**************************************************************************************************/

 

Ramu : I've just become a member of Rotract Club.

 

Somu : public member or private?

 

/**************************************************************************************************/

 

Ramu : Hey.. My submarine is not sinking into the water!! What could be
wrong?

 

Somu : may be u have used float instead of double in the software.

 

/**************************************************************************************************/

 

THIS ONE IS TOO GOOD!!!

 

PS : Hey Bull, Can you do me a favor? Can you pass on these 500 rupees to
Suthi..?

 

Bull : Sure.. Why not? But tell me one thing. Tell me whether its pass by
value or pass by reference.

 

/**************************************************************************************************/

 

Ramu : I am very very sure that the guy who just talked to me is a software
engineer...

 

Somu : how do you say that?

 

Ramu : he asked my physical address instead of my home address!

 

/**************************************************************************************************/

 

Ramu : why people are beating that SW engineer black and blue?

 

Somu : it seems, he asked one of them that whether "vande mataram" is new
kind of RAM in the market!

 

/**************************************************************************************************/

 

Ramu : Hey.. I think that SW engineer is very very naive..

 

Somu : How do you say that?

 

Ramu : He believes that there is an Arabian Sea++ next to Arabin Sea .

 

/**************************************************************************************************/

 

Ramu : Hey.... whats time now?

 

Somu : System time or local time.

 

/**************************************************************************************************/

 

And dont miss the last one, it's THE BEST !

 

4 Easy Steps from dummies to Transfer Files in Windows!

 

Right click the mouse on the file to transfer and select cut option.

 

Disconnect the mouse from that PC, take that mouse carefully and connect it
to the other PC where you want to copy that file and try to paste it
there....!!!!!!!!!

dost kahna hi dosti nahi hoti..........

मत इंतज़ार कराओ हमे इतना
कि वक़्त के फैसले पर अफ़सोस हो जाये
क्या पता कल
तुम लौटकर आओ
और हम खामोश हो जाएँ

दूरियों से फर्क पड़ता नहीं
बात तो
दिलों कि नज़दीकियों से होती है
दोस्ती तो कुछ आप जैसो से है
वरना मुलाकात तो
जाने कितनों से होती है

दिल से खेलना हमे आता नहीं
इसलिये इश्क की बाजी हम
हार गए
शायद मेरी जिन्दगी से बहुत प्यार था उन्हें
इसलिये मुझे जिंदा ही मार
गए

मना लूँगा आपको रुठकर तो देखो,
जोड़ लूँगा आपको टूटकर तो देखो।
नादाँ
हूँ पर इतना भी नहीं ,
थाम लूँगा आपको छूट कर तो देखो।

लोग मोहब्बत को खुदा
का नाम देते है,
कोई करता है तो इल्जाम देते है।
कहते है पत्थर दिल रोया नही
करते,
और पत्थर के रोने को झरने का नाम देते है।

भीगी आँखों से मुस्कराने में
मज़ा और है,
हसते हँसते पलके भीगने में मज़ा और है,
बात कहके तो कोई भी
समझ लेता है,
पर खामोशी कोई समझे तो मज़ा और है...!

मुस्कराना ही ख़ुशी नहीं होती,
उम्र बिताना ही ज़िन्दगी नहीं होती,
दोस्त को रोज याद करना पड़ता है,
क्योकि दोस्त कहना ही दोस्ती नहीं होती...........

Are you frustrated from chain mails !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am .....

A Hilarious Mail from a frustrated victim of chain mails 

I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 , 2008 and 2009 and continuing it in 2010 also....... 

Because of your kindness: 

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains. 

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS. 

* Forwarded hundreds of mails but still waiting for FREE DESKTOP, LAPTOP, CAMERA, CELLPHONE etc….. 

* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer... 
* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me. 

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill with calls to Uganda, Pakistan, Singapore and Tokyo... 

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a Can for fear that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine. 

* i stop eating maggy, noodles, kurkure after mails saying they are made of plastics and all and not good for health.

* i stop drinking "ganna juice" may somebody using icecubes from Mortuary center.

* i stop using earbird after watching mail that saying may be they are made of used cottons from hospitals.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.... (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...) 

* Still open to help somebody from Nigeria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle's property of $ 100 million. So much trustworthy. 
* I have forwarded 35 emails to 400 people hoping that Ericsson or Nokia will send me latest mobile phones but those models are also obsolete now. 
* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh , Tirupathi Balaji pics etc. Now most of those 'Wishes' are already married (to someone else) 

NOW IMPORTANT NOTE : 

If you do not send this e-mail to at least 11,246 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will Pee on your head today at 6:30pm. 

Nothing has happened till now....................... but who knows. So please forward. 

ha ha ha ha ...........